Thus It Begins

Well, here we are. Assassionista. The Internet. Etcetera. Thanks to the always wonderful LadySnip3r I now have a regular featured segment here on this very site where I can talk about, in essence, whatever the hell I want.

… I’m still not sure if that was a good idea, partially because I’m a jaded, cynical, and emotionally crippled blatant narcissist, but hey, it’s her site, and for whatever reason she thinks it’s a good idea. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions from there.

Anyway, Snip3r thought that it would be a good idea for me to introduce myself to you, the reader. That’s all well and good, but no one wants to see me talk about my entire life story, so instead here’s another idea. To properly “introduce” me, I think you need to quickly get acquainted with my mindset and overall way of looking at things.

For example, I hate fans.

Now, that doesn’t mean you, the fan of this site. No, you get a gold star for sitting here and validating my existence by reading my insane ramblings. I’m speaking a little more in abstract terms. With every fanbase there are, in my mind at least, two classes of people. There are the fans, who generally like a piece of work regardless of how dedicated they are, and then there are the “fans”. Those people are the obnoxious, vocal people who are never happy with anything. Ever.

I’m sure there are those amongst you that are now recounting your own experiences with these kinds of people. In fact, some of you may even be having Vietnam-style flashbacks to moments when you met one of these people in person, and God help you if you are. Still, if you aren’t quite following me yet let me run an example past you.

Let me talk to you about FemShep.

If you have even a passing familiarity with the Mass Effect series, even if it’s just hearing about it in passing, you should already know that one of the main gimmicks is that you can completely customize your character, gender included. This is a system that’s been so well thought out that Shepard is fully voiced as both a man and a woman, and largely thanks to the voice acting of Jennifer Hale the female Shepard (i.e. “FemShep) has a strong following. Naturally at some point people started asking why,  was FemShep never in any of the marketing material, at all? Well. Bioware listened, and long story short there is now an “official” default FemShep that will appear side by side with the male version of Shepard in Mass Effect 3’s marketing material and even on some versions of the game box.

Savior of the known universe and a redhead? Frick’n sold.

So, the fans spoke out, Bioware responded, and now we have equal gender representation. That’s all well and good, but I don’t know why I’m pretending this was ever about the happy ending.

No, the real issue here comes from the in-between of all this. How we arrived at having “Scarlett” Shepard here be the spokeswoman for FemShep involves Bioware posting six pieces of concept art on Facebook and asking for the fanbase to vote and choose which one they liked best.

Keep in mind that this all took place on the Internet, and as well all know everything that anyone ever says or does is apparently wrong.

What followed were the “fans” bitching and moaning about just about everything. The overall look of each one of the choices, the fact that there were only six choices, that Bioware even giving them a choice to make was “pandering”, and so on. In fact, I dare you to come up with a senseless justification bordering on outright parody about why this scenario makes Bioware evil and post it in the comments. I guarantee that, at the very least, whatever you come up with will resemble actual comments in spirit.

At any rate, after all of the dust settled we had our results. The fanbase had chosen a blonde version of FemShep as the default, and almost immediately the “fans” started to say that she looks like a bimbo.

I’m not allowed to show the fourth panel of this comic, in which Shepard tears al-Jilani in half like a wishbone, because it’s apparently “too violent”.

*sighs* Goddammit, you guys. This is why we can’t have nice things.

This entire scenario, in my eyes at least, got even more irritating when Bioware unleashed a second volley of voting dedicated solely to choosing what color Shepard’s hair was, and while I largely tried to stop paying attention to what people were saying at that point, the most blatantly idiotic thing I heard were accusations that the second round of voting was an act of appeasement by Bioware in reaction to “fan” outcry.

There’s a reason that I’ve just done a recap of all this, and it’s not just because it’s still barely “topical”. It’s because this perfectly illustrates the two things that makes me hate this type of fan so much; a fundamental misunderstanding of what they’re talking about and an undeserved sense of entitlement.

First of all, and this is something that I’ve brought up in defense of both the use of “MaleShep” in Bioware’s marketing material and the prospects of a Mass Effect movie, there is no “canon” version of Shepard. There just isn’t. Hell, any piece of background fluff or spinoff media I’ve ever come across goes to great lengths to not even refer to Shepard as anything beyond “they” so it doesn’t imply that Shepard even has a canon gender. Even with that said the defaults for both genders don’t have to be your Shepard. Nothing is being forced onto you. The entire point of this series, arguably, is to have your version of who Shepard is supposed to be and your version of the story.

If there is a “canon” Shepard, it’s what your canon version of Shepard is. I have my own “canon” version of Shepard, you have a version of Shepard, Lady Snip3r has her version, and if Wilfred Brimley owned an Xbox I’m sure he would have his own version. Just because the face on the box is different from the face you made in the game it isn’t the end of the world. Calm down.

In Holly Conrad’s case she is her Shepard. For her dying in that game must be a really surreal experience.

Of course, for some people that is the problem. The version of Shepard chosen may not be anything like their version. “This isn’t my Shepard,” they say. “She has blue eyes, and tanner skin, and hair that I had to hack into games files to get her to have, and blah blah blah”. It isn’t supposed to be. Isn’t it enough that Bioware gave you the opportunity to help make this decision, which is something that they didn’t even have to do? Must you really throw a temper tantrum like a spoiled brat because you’re getting what you wanted, but didn’t get your way after you started making other demands on top of that?

There are some days where I feel sympathy for Bioware. This is the kind of idiocy they have to deal with for caring too much about what their fans think. It must be like dealing with thousands of kindergarteners.

Well, there you have it. If you’re somehow still with me after reading all this, than congratulations, you now have a good idea of exactly what you should be expecting from me. That’s assuming that, after this being posted, I’m not immediately fired. We’ll just have to wait and see.

~V

Max "Vanguard" Phillips is a freelance photographer, occasional writer and a long-time gamer. To some degree he's been helping Assassionista from the very beginning, most notably by helping set up Lady Snip3r's interview with Susan Arendt. He got this column on this blog completely by his own merits and not thanks to some sort of equal-opportunity hiring mandate, and anyone that says otherwise is lying to you.